My childhood,
I shall always miss.
'cause innocence,
for me was a bliss.
All little,
my bro and cute sis.
Our parents,
loved and gave a kiss.
If scolded,
we would cry and hiss.
My childhood,
nice it was, still it is.
But now,
we are grownup clowns.
Ever facing,
life's up and downs.
Little chance,
and all of us pounce.
if we don't,
our careers shall bounce.
Friends scattered,
in distant cities,towns.
We have lost happiness,
our names are just nouns.
much better one....
ReplyDeletechaa gaye pathe...
ReplyDeletetouchin reflections on childhood....but i reckon the ending could have been a little more metamorphical
ReplyDeleteThe last line is absolutely beautiful here...quite metaphorical I would say. You captured the ideas and feelings, hopes, fears and feelings of youth very well. The flow of the poem is very well too.The use of common parlance does well here to capture your youthful sentiments.
ReplyDeleteA few errors-
In line 8
loved 'us' and gave a kiss.
'Us' added, makes it clearer.
In this stanza comma not needed after line 7--'our parents'.
Likewise in the next stanza commas not needed after lines 3,5 and 9.
In line 7 'if' needs capitalization.
These are simple grammatical errors, so don't worry..your poem is still very cool.
And Furqan happiness is not lost, it just changes its meaning at this stage of life.
@#firdous:thanku bhabi...
ReplyDelete