To no avail
shall the people,pleasures
be, none is concerned.
Its the moment
of silence and tranquility.
The moment of death,
As we call it.
Forgotten heroes , lovers,
good men , bad men,
and women, poets too,
were laid , will be laid.
To earth is the return...
A few moments
after the moment,
Life gets finished.
in a nutshell,important events,
concerned people. Now, completely diminished.
And during the moment of peace,
slowly ,one shall freeze,
like the fading breeze,
then eyes close and sounds cease...
shall the people,pleasures
be, none is concerned.
Its the moment
of silence and tranquility.
The moment of death,
As we call it.
Forgotten heroes , lovers,
good men , bad men,
and women, poets too,
were laid , will be laid.
To earth is the return...
A few moments
after the moment,
Life gets finished.
in a nutshell,important events,
concerned people. Now, completely diminished.
And during the moment of peace,
slowly ,one shall freeze,
like the fading breeze,
then eyes close and sounds cease...
'to the earth is the return' is the best part....... so true!!!
ReplyDeleteNice!Getting poetic by the day.
ReplyDeleteYeah.A bit poetic.
ReplyDeleteFurqan
a grave and yet beautiful description...one almost gets the feeling u've been there
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful poem. I have written abt death too in my poems.
ReplyDeleteThere are a few improvisations that will help you in your poetic endeavors and polish up your lovely poem.
In the second line 'comma' is needed after pleasure.
The 3rd stanza is excellent.Love that the most.Here the last line can be made more dramatic by saying
'to the earth they return'
or
'to the earth is the final return'
In the next stanza, there is very good imagery of images of life sliding by, but the idea of life 'diminished'is repeated in the next stanza as well. here you could use' diminishing' --sort of like a progression.
The word 'moment' is repeated too often in the concluding stanzas. This sort of steals the thunder from your 'moment of death'. Another word will make 'this' moment stand out; words like seconds, minutes, fractions of minutes,breaths.
Keep writing Furqan...
furqan nice poem,...proceed u will find much more poems with in you al d best
ReplyDeletenice:)....its as if u became a philosofer suddnly....i luvvd da poem
ReplyDeleteits been an year since i wrote somethin ..
ReplyDelete